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[Jul. 25th, 2009|09:21 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
she hobbled unsteadily toward the building, platform heels clicking out her uncertainty from twenty feet away. she wished she could make herself turn around and go home... but drinking alone makes you an alcoholic, and she'd be damned if she was going to spend another night staying home and being mopey about it.
the line of cars she walked past urged her on, lulling her into the security of being able to lose herself in the crowd. and the first hour was just that. she had conveniently forgotten about dinner, so as the third beer sloshed its way down her throat, she started to feel that little ball of self-loathing she'd been toting around dissolving away. she muffled a cute little hiccup and watched it dance its way into the ether. she began to float closer to the music that drew her inside in the first place, fully despite herself. it was then she saw the source of the ire she thought she was rid of, and his avoidance of her gaze made it well up again from nowhere.
"so that apology was just lipservice, then?"
"yeah. now leave me alone, i'm tryin' to get loaded."
"i can't. i need to talk to you."
he rolled his eyes, grabbed her wrist, and jerked her onto the isolated cold concrete back porch.
"i'm not fucking doin' it," he slurred through a haze of gin and tonic. she wanted to rip out his throat now, but the aroma was still alluring. "i went through this crap for three years with the last one. not gonna happen again."
the last one. he was comparing her to his lying, cheating, drug-abusing ex. tears flamed down her cheek indignantly.
"well, at least do me a favor and don't lie to the NEXT one. You're not allowed to call it love at all if you can flip a switch, just like that, for no reason."
she could have belittled his manhood. she could have reminded him about her steadfast dedication through all the thick and thin he put her through for the last six months. she could have punched him in the face.
she tripped through a few feet of gravel and let her heels click in the other direction.
"i like how mean you are," said the voice of reason handing back her folded and re-folded page of scribblings.
"it's just a story," she said. "all the characters are fictional." |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2009|09:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
The boy and his bff and i went on a grand adventure yesterday involving a small ford backhoe, a 1940 farmall tractor, a camera, and maybe some beer. <.< anyway, i made a little photo-essay of the event, which was awesome, and has me in the mood to be creative again. thus, i need to spend money. thus, you are going to help me do so. :)
Which color is the most "me"?
Poll #1397231 Help!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15Lauren should buy the Canon SD1200 in...
photos to come after i rip them from derek's compy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2009|01:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
so, i've been ignoring this spot a lot lately. and all of the internet, to a certain extent. school is sucking my will to live, a little bit. i just got done my midterms. this week is "spring break", and i have more homework and online tests and bullshit to deal with than i have ever had to deal with in my whole school career. no 8-page papers or anything, thank god, but about 17 different little projects that i have to write up. i just don't know where to start.
this weekend, we found out that the boy's cousin's wedding that was supposed to be happening in may, isn't. and to be honest i'm more upset about not having another excuse to wear my pretty green dress than the fact that he's not getting married. but i didn't care for his fiancee much anyway. <.< i'm a horrible person.
anyway, i've been spending all my IRL free-time lately, jamming. banging around on my cheap little acoustic guitar and singing with the boy, his bff derek, and/or my dad. and i've been having fun doing it just to do it. but now there's talk of going places and doing it in front of other people. this is both awesome and deathly frightening. i'm going to pop in for a dry run this weekend at derek's girlfriend's family-fest.. we'll see how that goes before i get *too* excited or squeeful about anything. i *do* need to start building a better "playlist", though. so if you can leave a comment suggesting cute/fun/rockin' songs you think i should play, i'll love you forever.
..not that there's much time left for me to follow that pipe dream, anyway. 11 days until work "reorganizational meeting" and 15 until i'm back in the saddle. no more waffles, god-willing. just french fries and ice cream. mom just insisted i order some new white jeans from old navy because the scrubs i wore last year are just "too skanky". (i love how my mom uses skanky to mean general dirt rather than whorish. it makes my day XD ) i'm going to miss all my jewelry- that's the only part of my job that i really and truly dislike, mindless and demeaning as it can be.
i think i'm going to ride my bike today. only way to stop being lazy is to force myself out of it. and maybe after a few paychecks i can get a lock so i can ride it to school ^_^ |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 10th, 2008|02:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | stressed | ] |
everything around me is falling apart.
yes, i've been scarce lately.
yes, it'll likely get worse before it gets better.
no, i don't want to talk about it.
<3. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2008|05:32 pm] |
sickies. so no superbowl party for me. as sara said: yay lack of forced social interactions, BOO no NomNoms.
( Read more... ) |
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| package tracking drives me batty. |
[Jan. 12th, 2008|07:05 pm] |
TAMAQUA,
PA, US 01/12/2008 6:00 A.M. ARRIVAL SCAN
SO WHY ISN'T IT HERE NAO?!?
ugh. some random creep is 5 miles away, sitting on my undawearz. so now i won't get it till monday.
which, i guess isn't so bad, since it was estimated to arrive on the 21st. but still.
also, i googled coupon codes before i made my order... found some "free garment bag" crap, so i figured what the hell, put it in.
first, i got an email saying that everything i ordered was in stock and shipped out.
then, i got one that was all "oops sry, no free crap for j00!".
e-commerce is so weird.
i misses mah justins. but 6 days. :D don't wanna go to work. etc. etc. |
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| lolmeme from cheese |
[Dec. 18th, 2007|12:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
1. Go to the Wikipedia home page and click random article. That is your band's name.
2. Click random article again; that is your album name.
3. Click random article 15 more times; those are the tracks on your album.
Band's Name: Operation Hump
Album Name: Hypochlorous Acid
1.Battle of Mantinea (362 BC)
2. Omar Abdullah
3. Spirit Class
4. The Global Fund for Children
5. Panda3D
6. Thornton, New Hampshire
7. John C. Bagby
8. Adrian Riggs
9. Phase Velocity
10. Williamis de Souza Silva
11. Mataviejitas (Sp. "old lady killer")
12. Cane Creek Middle School
13. Percentage in point
14. Keeping the Promise
15. People Under the Stairs</b> |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|06:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
( meh )
time for me to waste a migraine pill and hope it keeps me asleep straight through 'til tomorrow.
i miss coexisting with people who aren't retarded.
also, wantses my precious.
( 90's musical knowledge. heh. ) |
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| dear philly, wtf. |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|05:35 pm] |
okay. so i've been desperately searching ticketmaster, the r5 website (first unitarian and other little indie shows), and those for the electric factory, fillmore, keswick, and troc, every few days for hopes they'll eventually post a concert listing that will fall on the pre-birthday weekend and will be awesome. r5 still doesn't have any listings past dec. 30th. ticketmaster's listings jump from 1/12 to 1/28... and none of them look in any way awesome. troc's got a show full of people i've never heard of being mellow and acoustic, i think... keswick's got a rolling stones tribute band. >.> electric factory goes from a canceled wu-tang show on the tenth to ani difranco on the 26th.
is there some amazing festival or holiday going on during the 17th or 18th that i don't know about?
it's not superbowl weekend.. that's not until february 3rd.
sewiously. grrr. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2007|08:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
sorry if these posts are starting to get redundant. but work pretty much is my life right now. that and daydreaming about how badly i wish it wasn't. and how awesome things will be when it isn't. and when i will have my human blanket/cuddlemonster at my beck and call. :)
anyway. today, at work, i got bitched out for going to the bathroom.
if they tell me i can't have days off in january that i need, i'm giving my two weeks then and there.
meh. i feel kinda conflicted about it still... the long shifts are painful. and the pay is shit, compared to just about every other job i've had.
then again, i need to keep reminding myself that this is not philly, and cost of living is lower, so unless i look for a job with excessive commutage, i doubt i'm going to get much better than 9.50 an hour right now. and once i hit 90 days i'm eligible for good medical coverage. supposedly a big part of what i need is just a new variety of crazy pills. and being able to give that another shot at five or ten bucks a prescription is what i'm all about.
of course, maybe not being depressed, apathetic, and uninspired anymore will put the icing on this "i'm too good for this fucking job" cake.
and honestly... the work environment has good and bad. my line operator is a douche. he threatened to get me fired for aforementioned bathroom break. which i took during a scheduled break time.. but i ended up being in there six or seven minutes rather than the alotted five. meanwhile, other people on the floor are turning their five minute break into a cigarette and a cup of coffee and a few minutes of bullshitting in the breakroom, but me and my beeline to the potty are being singled out. bleh. honestly, i'd kinda like to see him try and nuke me. i could deal with collecting unemployment for a few weeks. but i'm pretty sure there's no way in hell it would happen, because the super-nice shift supervisor dude loves me and keeps telling me what a good little worker i am.. and the two trainer-ladies are awesome... and i have a friend! her name is marlo. and i call her "that girl". but i'm not sure she gets it.
and the schedule is awful, all my days off, i end up sleeping clear through.
but moneys for potential school and/or running away and happy fun times.....
can't. make. up. mind. |
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| OMGSNOW |
[Nov. 18th, 2007|08:42 am] |
okay, so this is the second or third snow this year... but the first one that is actually sticking. i got to drive home from work in it and it's all still unsullied by plow sludge and everything.. it's clinging to all the tree branches and making everything sparkle with frozen life just a little bit.
YAY for the magic of such little moments.. facilitating my ability to forget shitty things that happened since 1987!
now i just need to remember to start taking a coat to work and to go buy one of those brush-scraper things for the stupid car.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|08:40 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
i am just back from work and effing exhausted. i've got brand new burns and cuts all up and down my forearms... battle scars from fights with angry serrated-edged boxes and glue guns fueled by the fire of a thousand suns. any sane person would agree that that is totally not worth 9.50 an hour.
but i am not sane. and i don't want to go back to waiting tables. so here i am, popping over the counter pain pills and mourning the empty bed i have to crawl into, in preparation for doing it all again in less than twelve hours. >.>
i take comfort in knowing that my paychecks bring me closer to liberation. and all other forms of non-material happy.
i want to go back to the job i was doing there the first night... where i was working alone and could sing to myself to pass the time.
speaking of singing... i was doing some last night, to try and calm myself down after dumb things happened. i recorded some of it, for posterity and/or epic lulz. and the original piece has made me want to do more things in a similar vein. the cover song is just for the sake of nostalgia and snuggly happy things.
and now.. my brain implodes.
<3 |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|08:26 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | beatles- i'm so tired | ] |
work is going to eat me alive. seriously... i am so achy and ouchy and bleh after twelve hours of doing ANYTHING that's it's just not even funny.
and about an hour before quitting time today the machine on our line jammed up real good... i think they're going to blame that on me. >.>
oh, and today i had a guy winking at me all day and trying to flirt with me in 25% spanish, 10% english, and 65% sign language. then he asked me if i had a boyfriend. so i said yes. THEN he said, "no baby?" i wasn't sure if he was just making conversation at that point or what... anyway the question just weirded me the fuck out. like, in his world it's somehow acceptable to hit on someone with a boyfriend UNLESS their babydaddy is still in the picture? i was tempted to say yes in hopes he would just stop talking to me. besides, cats count as children, right?
speaking of, my little monster is snuggling with me and making things better. what else could i ask for (aside from, of course, the services of a devoted masseuse/boyfriend *nudge nudge wink wink*)? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|11:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
realizations from KoLumbus:
i win at trivia. forever and ever. (Team No Shame, represent! *gangsign* ms_gwyn, roux, tealy and i won the internet. and by that i mean feelies packs with bum redemption codes. >.>)
i need to be hugged more often.
it's motherfucking booze time.
newfound appreciation for card games.
i think i was complimented, hit on, and flirted with more than ever at this meet. and all it did was make me miss justin more.
going one state away does not warrant a significant enough change in climate and pollen index to stop taking allergy pills.
long car ride is long. thank god i'll be able to nap some more.
my boobs were misunderestimated. lawl.
*insert typical "it was so awesome but i don't want it to be over" meet sentiments here*
i have to start packing now... but i'm so glad i got to meet all the new people that i did, and got to spend time with everyone i already know, especially the clannies. <3 see you all again soon, i hope! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 27th, 2007|03:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
i think i messed up me knees at my physical thingie.. they're still killing me. every time i take the stairs i feel like they're going to buckle right from under me. so that's awesome.
i have no real reason to be posting now... i'm excessively bored, so i started looking at all the stuff i could instant-watch from netflix. granted, there are some true classics, like the old hitchcocks and casablanca and stuff of that caliber. but i clicked on their horror selection and one of the first listings is Blacula. >.> i'm amazed some of these "gems" even exist on dvd. and i got excited when i saw dexter on the listings... but it's only the first episode from season 2.
anyway, now i'm compiling a list of all of these i'm going to sit through. and waiting impatiently for someone to either wake up or get home from work. and trying to force myself out of bed and into wakeup mode, so i can stop failing as a friend.
we'll see how all that goes. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|01:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blank | ] |
it rained all day. again. i can't force myself out of bed, to even put clothes on and go downstairs for a coffee or something. not miserable, though... just physically exanimate.
appathy has rained on me, and i'm feeling like a soggy dream... (quick, name that tune!)
and speaking of which, music meme answers!
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sparklesmcg's journal
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